Grumpy Retired Hardcore Gamer: 2010

In a nutshell , Casuals , you ruin everything for us.

PSYCH! You thought I’ve finshesd already , huh?

It’ve been quite some time since I’ve posted some rants . Well , since” world ball” , sorry,

I meant “world cup of balls” . or you could say “a cup of boiled eggs ….See….

Anyway , let’s begin with nagging .

“””I HAET SOOCRE!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111”””

IT JUST SUCKS , THEIR FANS TOO , I MEAN GOD!

I’ve starting to think that they’re all double Nationalities , prove ?

Never remember anything about home on dependence only.

McDonald’s jus’ uncovered them and tricked (allegedly)

YA ALLAH !!!!!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF A SHITTY COMMERCIAL IS THIS???!

NOTHIN MAKES SENSE HERE!

Someone allgedey to be a kuwaity enters the restraint starts screamin and masturbating wearing an Argentinean shirt and speaks Spanish (?) more like crap-moanings , and no body intracted with that person to be clear. It’s like :

I LIKE SOORCE , I ARE WEARING ARGEN TAEM, I’M SUCH AN ATTENTION WH****!

If it were to me , It would like this.

This how you do a commercial with out offending me!

Back to the subject , My games Vs Yoai *ahem* your games.

People I can firmly prove to you all , why PES and any fifa sucks “longtime”

The prove ?

THE OFFICIAL SEAL , WHEN EVER I READ A GAME WRITTEN ON IT , IT OFFICIALY STATES DO NOT BUY ME!

PIC*

A) THE CONROLS:

YOU:

"MOST of techniques in pes needs to be perfected so that when you with a real noob he’ll lose only a real soccer player will win ,lol."

Also , the gaming needs precise timings on pressing the running/kicking/pissing/shitting/foreplay*with*keeper/dildo*kick...etc button.

Don’t press too much , nor too light , also don’t hold the button long ,nor too less.

Other wise you will burn your self.

My argument:

Have you heard about the guy who broke his pad with his bare hands? Yeah that’s me .

The reason was actually , the game it self provokes me in terms of controls .

As it feels like I’m was controlling a team of mules.

But what I didn’t have in mind …….

It was a team of mules, and it matches these classifications :

-won’t run when I want.

-won’t kick when I want

-won’t stop when I want

-won’t cut the pass when I want

The only good thing about they bring only penalty kicks.

What I prefer?

“SUPER SIDE KICKS”!!1 mvs and neogeo*VIDEOS*

The only game in my book that perfected the physic of soccer controls :

Plain damn simple

A = shoot

B= short pass , cut

C= long pass , slide

And the best part ….. the aim is automatic!!!!

You pass , it passes !

You shoot at the goal , it shoots at the goal!

That’s it ! nothing hard huh konami?? And what about you EA? Still using the evade button? Go figure.

Your argument is invalid.

Tech.:

tech:

threr are techneuque and styles are not appilicable in other sports . such as head goal ! it's so CASH!

MY argument:

well duh you forgot to "CURVE the BALL" btw .
don't tell that some move is being monopolized my the fifa . next thing we know the Olympic's governing body is monopolizing
Lariat 'N' Flash kicks.
C'mon! i don't need a damn liscense just to jump and hit the ball.

another thing , go play some "captain 3omar" (aka kunio-kun soccer) , it's got to be the manliest soccer game ever !
have you seen the legendary BOLD team? and their skin head kick? you've seen nothin' yet. so much for REALISTIC FIRM TOUCH.

this what kind of "TEch" soccer players should learn and train 'til they kick
the hell outta the sphere into a bloody CUBE and crys for mercy!

the ball

also , i like the diversity with high standard teams and they seem quite proffessional , hell , they have emotions!!!! they behave like real players!
and besides it's full gags and characters do have facial expressions.

. sadly for the untrained eye ( i mean used to pixels)
the style have already died , due to "that's so real " games.

but thank god we've this remake at least

QUIZ TIME

let's say
" the Moves in "X" Game , are not applicable in any other games , such the move "Y" "

choos what ever right:

x y

a) boxing, Head-Butt
b) swimming, Head-Butt
c) bull-fight, Head-Butt
d) 3anbar , Head-Butt

the answer down under ( aka scroll down)

music:

pes: i like the sound of the spectator , specially when they're trying ti sing for you, i love the feeling of the ball when it "touches by his nip..er chest".
yeah , the whistles are good .

THE DULLEST GAME EVER!!!!

THIS WHAT REALLY SHOULD HAPPEN!

NO ,THEY'D BE BETTER OFF MAKING A DEAD RAISING CLONE AS A FEATURE AFTER YOU FINISH THE WHOLE LEAGUE AS A BONUS!

IF THE GAME SO REALISTIC , WHY THERE AREN'T ANY RIOT??
Seriously , dude . this got to be the only game in the world that will always make look forward to the main menu
and finsh up the game quickly . it's like the urge to go to the toilet . as if you wanna go to the toilet .

so to clear up things in math equation .
the equation of
- if the urge to Shit = S
- if being pre-occupied = n/(1-n)
- if the urge to be Shit-Relieved = R
- n stands for time in minutes

So Equation would be like this : S = n/(1-n) * R

Also

- if the urge to go the main menu for music = M
- if being pre-occupied = n/(1-n)
- if the urge to be Rethym-Relieved = R
- n stands for time in minutes

So Equation would be like this : M = n/(1-n) * R

THEN M = S , since music and sound represent 75% of gaming expreience ,

since game's music = shit , therefore

THE GAME IS PURE SHIT!

meaning you'd rather take a shit than to play that goddamn game!

My Counter strike :

play ,'SUPER SIDE KICKS " C'mon ! i gaurentee you won't be finding " black eyed onions" .only good old SNK BMGs .

play- , "tecmo world cup 92" on Megadrive , better than any crap you'd ever listen too anyway.

Nothing beats chiptunes , really nothing at this time and age when the record companies'
" x country Idol" recruiting camps . what whatever did they give us? huh? Rihhana?
i know can't spell that guys name ?

TEH PTTREY PAKCHOORS!!!:

NO COMMENT!

IN BIG NUTSHELL , if any game based on actual sport event or a movie and having being called " LE OFFICIAL" ( TEH SIHT!),
WILL BE DOOMED FOR NOT BEING :
* SUPER
* SCI-FI SPORTY
* ROCKING
* TROUBLE-SHOOTING TOILET